First, I would like to share an update on my progress. As of this morning, after eating on Phase 2 for 18 days, I have dropped 21 lbs. That puts me 19.2 lbs below my pre-loading weight!!! WHAT?! That's more than a pound a day!!!! I just don't know what to say!!! I am so happy with this progress and I am looking forward to seeing more!!!
Now to come down from my heavenly loss cloud for a few moments... The struggle is real y'all. I live with my parents right now (I am planning on moving out in August... Thank GOD). My mother has lost over 100 lbs and has kept it off. She is incredible and I don't know how she did it. I would have gone insane!! Why, you ask? MY FATHER. It's simple, really. He is DIABETIC. He has HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. He has MAJOR BACK PROBLEMS. He is also overweight. And... Drum Roll... HE LOVES FOOD. Where do we think I learned my love of food from? I love my dad, but his love for food is BEYOND TORTUROUS to me during this time. He knows all about my diet program. He knows all about my results. Most of all, he knows how much I LOVE food and am trying to be strong. It's hard to be strong when things you love and have always loved to eat are being cooked in your home or spoken about while you are around. I feel like the little loner kid that is the only one left out when all of the other kids are having a fantastic time playing on the playground. It's almost like I'm the kid that is dangling from the monkey bars by the tips of my fingers and I'm about to fall. I'm screaming an nobody notices or cares to help. Just a little help is all I ask.
I thought that "Out of Sight... Out of Mind" would help with my situation. I'm not touching the food that is MOST tempting to me so that in another sense of the human body that I don't have to worry about. If I lock myself in my room, I am not looking or touching. The only problem then is that I HAVE A NOSE! The sense of smell is strong!!! And it is a powerful force within me! When I smell something that I LOVE to eat that my father has requested and I know I can't have it, I literally want to let go of the monkey bars. I don't want to fall hard enough to break my neck (or gain my weight back) but falling onto a trampoline so I can easily bounce back up would be nice. Unfortunately, nothing has ever been easy when my weight is concerned. It's always been HARD. I don't really have a choice though.
Losing Weight is HARD.
Maintaining Weight is HARD
Being OverWeight is HARD.
I'm choosing my HARD.
This weekend will hold some challenges for me, but I am going to face them head on without looking back. My cousin is graduating college tomorrow. My family and I are going. My family plans on stopping for breakfast at Denny's. Eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, pancakes, milk, syrup, etc... I cannot have ONE of these items. I will be bringing an apple to eat while I watch everyone else eat it. With each bite, I will imagine one more pound lost. I will keep my eye on the prize. I will take my lunch and eat it in the car. For dinner, my family plans on MEXICAN food. I will allow myself to eat there, but it will not be like I am used to. I will order chicken fajitas with NO USE OF BUTTERS OR OILS. I will request that they don't even bother bringing out the extras or the tortillas. I will eat the chicken and sauteed onions. I will ask for a bowl of lettuce and make my own little fajita taco salad that is approved for Phase 2 because I will have homemade Phase 2 approved salsa. I will do my best to not lose my mind while others chow down on chips, salsa (that most likely has sugar in it), cheese, etc. I will drink water and I will be happy about it. I will not let it beat me. That is just my battle for Saturday. Sunday is Mother's Day!! I think it will be easier than Saturday. I can have my fruit for breakfast at home with no problems. my issue comes to lunch. I will be eating my own pre-done meal while the rest of my family eats Chicken Spaghetti, Goulash, Macaroni Dish, etc. Basically, a bunch of pasta and cheese which I love. I will just stay in the living room. I will not subject myself to sitting or standing around the kitchen or dessert table. One thing is for sure... MY FAMILY CAN COOK AND EAT SOME DELICIOUS FOOD.... that I can't have. I will have a pre-done dinner at home Sunday evening.
I can and I will do this. I HAVE to do this. I want to be healthy. I can't be truly healthy with this weight. Prayers would be appreciated.
Side Note: I wore pants to work this week that I couldn't wear 3 weeks ago!!! I'll take the small victory!!!
I guess that's all for today. I hope everyone has a blessed Mother's Day Weekend!!!
-B
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