My Reasons: The Backstory

Howdy All!!

Recently, I have been asked why I chose to start this journey. Had something drastic happened in my life to make me wake up and realize that I was dangerously unhealthy? My usual response is something like this... "Well, I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired..." Though this may be true to some degree, I felt the need to delve deeper within myself for a more accurate reasoning.

Now that I am looking back, there are multiple instances where I can remember various feelings I had that should have pushed me to change my life right at that moment...

• In third grade, a kid in my class told me that I shouldn't be allowed to go on the field trip because I was "too fat to fit out of the emergency exit on the school bus." As a CHILD, those kinds of words can be quite hurtful. What did I know about health and fitness at that age? NOTHING! I knew that I LOVED to eat and food was good. When it came to fitness, I was a pretty active child. I played indoor soccer, outdoor soccer, basketball, and softball.
• I was shopping in the women's section in 5th grade to attend a funeral for my grandmother... an 11 year old girl should not have to shop in the GROWN UP section. Simple as that. Why did I not feel the need to change then??
• In high school, I was in Colorguard. I was VERY active. I should have changed my eating habbits then when I had the largest uniform out of anyone in Colorguard. But what did I do? NOTHING.
• I was the girl that never had a boyfriend in HS because I wasn't desirable. I was the nice fat girl. I always had a lot of friends, but nobody ever really mentioned the weight, even though it was probably an elephant in the room...
• In college, I had a couple of guys who were interested but I never believed they could possibly be genuinely interested because of my weight. It was ALWAYS in the back of my mind. Why did I not change then??? I wish I knew...
• When shopping with friends, I have always felt out of place. I don't want to ask them to go to stores that sell the size of clothing that I can wear because they won't find anything that fits them. Even if a single store has sizes that can fit both my small friends and myself, the sections are SEGREGATED. I almost feel like there are sections of the store so you will know where you belong... FAT or FIT...

So, I am sure I didn't include everything behind my reasoning for losing weight, but I feel like over the years, I was like a volcano that could have erupted at any moment... If one more instance had happened to tear my heart out, I'm not sure where I would be. Something came over me and I just HAD to change. I am sick and tired of being the nice, fat girl. I'm sick and tired of being the girl that doesn't have a relationship. I'm sick and tired of hiding the real me and pleasing people all of the time. I'm sick and tired of not feeling good enough to shop in the sections I should be able to shop in but cannot because of my size.

I guess my usual response hits the nail on the head...

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED.

Sometimes, there just might be a deeper meaning to those words.